Lessons Learned

They Will Never Know. 

They will never know what I’ve done for them. How I carefully watched my diet while they grew inside of me, and was meticulous about protecting my belly so that no harm would be done to them.

They will never know what I felt when each of them entered into the world – the pain, the fear, the anticipation and the excitement. The love I felt immediately upon holding them.

They will never know all the nights I wake up checking the baby monitor, or roll over to touch them, to make sure they are still breathing.

NEVER

They won’t know the pain I have felt standing at the foot of the stairs while they learn to soothe themselves to sleep, a few minutes at a time. Or, the helplessness I’ve felt as they are sick and there is nothing I can do to help them feel better but to hold them, and rock them, and pray the pain goes away.

They don’t know how hard I try to be a good mother for them. How I try to put aside my own desires and focus on theirs. They don’t know how tired I get of listening to Blue’s Clues or Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, but I hit ‘replay’ one more time just to see their face light up again.

They don’t know how my heart skips a beat when they trip on the sidewalk, or fall up the stairs. I know how scary it must be to feel pain for the first time, or to not know what is happening to your body. But I will always be there, on the sidewalk or at the stairs, waiting to catch them in case they fall.

They won’t know the financial sacrifices we make at birthdays and Christmas to ensure that they wake up each time feeling special.

They won’t know how difficult times have been, or will be in the future. Our prayer is that they will grow up not knowing how challenging life can be, until they absolutely have to.

They don’t need to know the pain of heartache, or the sting of loneliness. They don’t need to know financial stress or the evil of this world.

All they  need to know right now is that Mommy and Daddy love them, Jesus loves them, and so many other people in their lives love them. They need to know that their home is a safe place, and that their days are full of fun and wonder.

There is a lot they will never know, and plenty of time for them to learn everything else.

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